Rhetorical Analysis: Hailey Glassman’s Steppin’ Out Magazine Cover

So it wasn’t too long ago that my eyes beheld this particular magazine cover on E! News. With my rhetorical analysis still fresh in my mind I decided that I could not ignore this cover. I HAD to analyze this. I mean the cover itself states “Judge This Haters.” Well don’t mind if I do. For those of you who are not familiar with Hailey Glassman she is the 23 year old ex-girlfriend of Jon Gosselin, 32, (better known as Jon from Jon and Kate Plus 8). Hailey was the daughter of Kate Gosselin’s plastic surgeon. Cute huh? Well, to make a short story even shorter they lived, they loved I guess, and they broke up much to the delight of TV viewers everywhere. Now Hailey Glassman is breaking her silence and she’s not being at all to shy about what she has to say. Let’s just say that she spends most of the article talking about Jon’s “ahem” shortcomings so to speak (all 3 inches of it). But anyway let’s get back to the task at hand here, analyzing Hailey’s “artistically” done magazine cover. The cover itself eludes sex and sex appeal. Let’s start from head to toe shall we? Her hair as we can clearly see is a little messy and tousled slightly in front of her face. Most people call this tousled mess “sex hair.” She’s giving the illusion that she is a sexual being with both her messy hair and her “come hither” look. Her “I don’t know what to call it” leopard skin scarf that strategically covers her more private body parts screams animal; more specifically an animal in the bedroom. The leopard print itself is more of a focal point of this cover because like most animal prints it is loud. Instead of “Hailey Glassman fights back” it should be “I am Hailey Glassman hear me ROAR!” The gold snake band around her arm signifies that she is poisonous and will most likely leave you in a lot more pain then when you first ran into her. I bet Jon’s starting to feel that pain. The snake band also looks a little tight around her arm, so maybe it signifies that she is like a snake and will wrap herself around you until she strangles you to death. Well, I think the only thing that she killed was his pride and possibly his chances with other women. The leather biker gloves and diamond jewelry say a great deal about who she is. She is a tough girl as well as a princess. Not much of a stretch of the imagination seeing that her father is a well-known plastic surgeon. And last but not least those hot pink panties. Those simply say that I’m girly girl at heart but a dirty one. Also her hands strategically placed within that vicinity doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination of what she wants. So what did we learn about Hailey Glassman from this cover? Simply that she’s well...a little loosy goosy to put it nicely and probably not the best candidate for your next girlfriend fellas. Well I’m a Hailey Glassman Hater and I just judged this.